Nobody really understands the amount of pain my ex has put me thru. I’ve never shared it before tonight. It killed me every time she’d go be ‘friendly’ with another guy. It killed me everytime she didn’t believe me when I told her I loved her. It killed me everytime she got a new man even after our break up. And it killed me that she had to move half way across the country.
If there’s any possibility for a future between us, I need to stop feeling the recurring pain. I need her to be single for awhile for my own selfish reasons. Time to heal my heart from the constant blows of watching the one I love with anyone other than me.
But that may be asking for too much. She even said it herself, she was raised by a woman who has had embedded in her mind that sex is love. A woman with more husbands than I care to remember.
The fact that I was just another guy in this series of stop and go’s, kills me once again.
I need time to sit back and reflect after cutting off a major relationship. I’m not quick to move on to the next one.
Then again, I don’t have the offers to do so. When you have people lined up who would be with you if the opportunity presented itself, who knows how it could change ones perspective.
I’ve never been a ladies man, contrary to what some believe. I’ve been turned down ten times more than I’ve actually succeeded. So many times in fact, that I have a really hard time actually communicating the fact that I may be interested in a woman. It becomes an endless circle of flirting until finally we just stop talking and give it up.
I don’t even consider flirting, when single, anything of importance anymore. I do it as a hobby when I’m bored.
I’ve strayed from the topic… Which is probably for the best.
When you see this, remember that I love you.
For all the evers.